Last year when I started to dive deeper into my final projects, I found myself struggling with my own mind. Whenever I was alone I constantly asked myself, “If I fail to graduate then what am I going to do?”
Studying is basically the only thing I know how to do now that I can’t chase my dream of being a swimming athlete. How did I end up here when all I want to do is just swim all day? Because that unanswerable question kept going around in my head for a longer time than expected, I decided to stop everything and just pull myself out of the world and start creating my own bubble. During that abstract time, I found “Forever Rain,” thanks to the YouTube algorithm that recommended the video. Later, when I dug deeper, because I needed to find the translation, I found the whole mixtape/playlist and basically bawled my eyes and heart out. I cried even louder when Namjoon said, ”It’s okay to shed your tear, but don’t you tear yourself” in Moonchild.” From “everythingoes,” I got to find this simple yet beautiful sentence, ”Just like the flower wilts and the fruits grow ripe, everything needs to go through pain.” It’s just a sentence and it is really simple, but that simple sentence turned my life around and made me feel like Namjoon gave me a very comforting hug and told me that everything, in fact, goes. Starting from there, I began discovering BTS’s discography, and I soon felt like I needed to thank them for understanding me. I felt thankful because I could finally say that someone — or in this case seven men — understood my struggles; I found myself being healed by that thought. I started to break out of my own bubble and got ready to take on the world again. Because there was a lot that needed to be done during my final project, I didn’t get to enjoy anything else other than the little comfort I gained through mono. Days flew by, and I finally finished my bachelor’s degree in engineering. To end this little essay, I would really like to thank Kim Namjoon, Kim Seokjin, Min Yoongi, Jung Hoseok, Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung, and Jeon Jungkook for giving me strength when I needed it the most, for loving me and ARMYs in general unconditionally, and for simply existing, because if you guys didn’t exist and didn’t create music and content that healed people, I honestly wouldn’t know how to deal with this life of mine. Lastly, I would like to thank The Rhizomatic Revolution Review  for giving me this precious opportunity to write a rather simple story of this person who is an extra, but still part of this world. With all the love and overflowing gratitude I have for BTS, it is only fair that I express it in the only way I know it would be heard without actually talking out loud, because my public speaking skills suck. So once again, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Illustration By: @MJdaPoo
Asri (2021). mono. The Rhizomatic Revolution Review , (2). https://ther3journal.com/issue-2/mono
Asri. “mono.” The Rhizomatic Revolution Review , no. 2, 2021, https://ther3journal.com/issue-2/mono.
mono by Asri is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.
© Asri 2021